I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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