So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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