New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize