So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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