Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
