can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you had me at cake vodka
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
