I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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