Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Life is so much better after having sex.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
