I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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