i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
