The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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