Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
