guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
