Where is the hickey?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
