We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
