oh god the rape fog is back!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
