No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
