So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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