Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
