JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
