Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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