I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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