he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
