Whod you bang
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
