I want to stick my p in your. b.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
