Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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