she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize