the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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