i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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