Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize