Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
