he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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