I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
