I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
