just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize