dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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