so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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