Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
