That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
