Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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