Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
