you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
