I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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