I wanna bring you to show and tell
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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