Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
