It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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