I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
