Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
