just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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