dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
