so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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