I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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