last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
