Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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