In the future we'll all be gay
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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