I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
