He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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