Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
