My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
