I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
soo... how was my night?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
