Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
