ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
