she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
