A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize