considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
