i think my mom watched the whole time
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
