My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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