Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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