chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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