She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
