I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
