Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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