I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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