Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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