I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
