I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just cropdusted the office
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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