discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
