I skipped work to stalk him.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
