Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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