so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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