Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
