My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
